Thanks for listening

Assalamualaikum.

It's been a while again.

Workload in medical is like crazy, I loss about 3kg in 2 months. Hahahaha. But good working environment because you are given a chance to make decision. You given a chance to decide life and death. You are the first liner. That's what I think of medical.

I still remember, my first night shift after tagging wasnt so bad. We just intubated 1 patient with impending respiratory failure.

My second night shift the most terrible one. I was scared for the first time since I have been a HO. I have 7 new cases (normal quantity of new cases in medical, I know). That's not the bad one. Almost at the end of my shift, I had 1 new case, which I thought just a normal fluid overload case. However, it was turn out to be a mycardiac infarction case. Which you know, once you diagnosed or you felt it was a MI you just have hours or even minutes. Times were ticking and I am scared for his life.  We did our best. But he end up been lifeless at the end.

I am just felt that, if I were fast enough to go and see him, if I were competent enough to realize earlier that it was a MI, maybe maybe he was a life that could be save on. And I m sorry.

Medical is a department that gave me a chance, to growth. It's cultivating, which I felt so different from my previous department. Thanks for the trust, thanks for your acceptance the way of my thinking, that was the first time.

Thanks medical !





P/S:
Dear you, I let you go. Sorry for not be the one. It's a great pleasure to know you. Hee.

Bye Orthopedic

Assalamualaikum

After so long, I think I just need to activate my writing mode.

Finishing ortho in another 1 week. Cant wait to finished it. Dont get me wrong, I love other posting just not ortho so far.

Cant wait for medical posting. I know it's busy,but cant wait to learn something else.

I always knew that this world, my working world is always a hard journey.  My sister warned me, some other seniors said that too. But I believe, no matter where you are, you just always going to face hurdles. Some hatred, some disagreement, endless of sleepless night, panda's eyes, some anger, some disappointment, most were bad feeling. But as I always said, in so many things, there must be something good.

Why I love my job despite of being bullied sometimes, being angered at most of the time, loss chances of  doing so many things in my life due to my job, and being a sleepy daughter most of the time at home, because of I just love to meet people.

I love when they talked to me, I love when my decision matters life and death (not most of them), I love to listen to their stories (each of them was different), most of   other reason is that I love when I met them,they was so ill then  get healthy again, when I can made a difference in someone's life. Called me crazy.  I know.

I hope I can continue doing this. I pray even after I have so many other commitment in future, I still wont give up yet.

After 2 months in housemanship, my sister used to ask,"Dah menyesal belum jadi doktor? ", I smiled then said "Not yet".

 After 1 year of housemanship, if someone asking me the same question again, my answer would still be the same.

I am a newbie in this world.



Pray for me. Please.

My Third Posting, Orthopedics.

Dear everyone and everything,

I am alive. Surviving 1 year of housemanship with Alhamdulillah. I am already in my 3rd posting, orthopedic.
I was never complained before. I hope no one read this because I am going to complain now.

Almost 4 months in ortho, finishing in another 2 weeks. But all I felt, I just dont like ortho, everything about it. The fracture, the diabetic foot ulcer, the sacral sore, the neurovascular, the OT, the plating. I am sorry, I dont like it at all. Sob sob sob. Forgive me ortho.

There was the time when I am working in Emergency Department (ED), due to lack of houseman in our posting nowadays,there were just 2 houseman in ED, if you are lucky, you  going to have 3 ortho houseman in ED.Usually we were relax in morning then get flooded with patient in noon or night.

That was not the worse things, since ED was always busy and flood with patient. The worse thing was when you were so busy doing your job but then you  forgot to do something else, you been asked by your superior "Do you want to be a doctor?" in bad way.

You dont know how much I fighted for this. You dont know what battle that I had to take just to get this.You dont know how much weight that I loss because of this.  You dont know how much I want to hold onto this, just when everyone want to let go.You dont know that I was never imagine myself not being a doctor in my life.

Dear you, I want to be a doctor.

Okla. Whatever you said, I forgive you. Because I hope, one day when I be like you, when I say something bad (I hope I didnt mean it), I hope people will forgive me too.

Haish.

Sincerely from:

A lacking learning house officer who is really trying her best to become a doctor.



P/S: I really hope no one read this.

Small Things In My Life.

Assalamualaikum.

I love the little things in my life. Like when Alya asked something she said please at the end of it, like when I asked Aimi to do something she just kept smiling, like when we were ready to go out someone willing to look for my shoes, like when you walked alone suddenly you saw a child crying and their parents got annoyed then you thought "Haaa, that's normal", like when suddenly a stranger smiling at you or say hi, like a little pat on my shoulder out of nowhere, like when Alya told me she thought that she caught a fever and I took it as an honour because she told me that, like when you walked back to the parking lot and you saw the bird dungs on your car, like when you walked then smell the evening eventhough you couldn't smell because of flu and so many more. Small things make me happy.

Those imperfect events just complete my imperfection. I just love my life.

P/s= This my second week of work. So far, it's still office hour working. Hahahahaha. Pray for me please.

Climbing Another One Step in the Ladder of Life.

Assalamualaikum,

Hi ! I am again. Hee. I was just thinking, no matter how great we are or we were, at the end of the day we going to leave everything behind just like the famous Wong Fei Hong, Bruce Lee and many more. They were the infamous martial art sifu but they just left their names and stories behind. Even our beloved messenger Muhammad SAW left us even when he was the most beloved human in the world. They were loved and adored by everyone but what happened when they were alone in their graves. Don't you curios ? I am.

I always wondering and questioning about everything in my life. Everything in this world raised my curiosity. Sometimes, I would look for the answers but most of the time I just would let it slide. Maybe because I was so lazy or maybe because I will scared by the answer itself.

I told before in my other social media that when others get lots of wedding invitations, I got lots of funerals to attend. What gave me a pang of reality was that when we die, what we bring together just our white cotton cloth. We will be left alone in the dark, deep, underground grave. There are no families, no friends, no cars, no houses, no money, nothing. Nothing can accompany us. It's times for us to face our Lord. This is it. This is the day.

I know that day will come. Just like I know I will graduate from meds school one day. At that times when I hold the scroll from our dean and when I took a quick glance toward the crowd, the most unforgettable feeling that I had, I felt that "This is it. This is the end of my life as a student". Every hardships that I had, every memory from those years came in flash. I knew, I was taking the next step in my life.

And I know, one day, I will be in the grave alone in darkness and I going to say it again "This is it. This is the end of my journey as a human". And truthfully I say, I am scared because I never know will I pass or fail that day. And I know, if I fail, I am going to suffer miserably. Don't you scared ? I am.

Ok. Bye !

P/S= I am going to work next month. Hee. Another step in my life. Can't wait to be a doctor but so scared if I cannot carry the responsibility. They say it's hard to be a HO, I am not scared of the hardship but I am scared if I am thinking that, the hardship is so tough that I want to give up. I just don't want to give up yet or anytime in my life. Huu. Pray for me please. Please please please pray that Allah will give strength for my hardships in my upcoming life. Hee. Thank you for the prayer.