Small Things In My Life.

Assalamualaikum.

I love the little things in my life. Like when Alya asked something she said please at the end of it, like when I asked Aimi to do something she just kept smiling, like when we were ready to go out someone willing to look for my shoes, like when you walked alone suddenly you saw a child crying and their parents got annoyed then you thought "Haaa, that's normal", like when suddenly a stranger smiling at you or say hi, like a little pat on my shoulder out of nowhere, like when Alya told me she thought that she caught a fever and I took it as an honour because she told me that, like when you walked back to the parking lot and you saw the bird dungs on your car, like when you walked then smell the evening eventhough you couldn't smell because of flu and so many more. Small things make me happy.

Those imperfect events just complete my imperfection. I just love my life.

P/s= This my second week of work. So far, it's still office hour working. Hahahahaha. Pray for me please.

Climbing Another One Step in the Ladder of Life.

Assalamualaikum,

Hi ! I am again. Hee. I was just thinking, no matter how great we are or we were, at the end of the day we going to leave everything behind just like the famous Wong Fei Hong, Bruce Lee and many more. They were the infamous martial art sifu but they just left their names and stories behind. Even our beloved messenger Muhammad SAW left us even when he was the most beloved human in the world. They were loved and adored by everyone but what happened when they were alone in their graves. Don't you curios ? I am.

I always wondering and questioning about everything in my life. Everything in this world raised my curiosity. Sometimes, I would look for the answers but most of the time I just would let it slide. Maybe because I was so lazy or maybe because I will scared by the answer itself.

I told before in my other social media that when others get lots of wedding invitations, I got lots of funerals to attend. What gave me a pang of reality was that when we die, what we bring together just our white cotton cloth. We will be left alone in the dark, deep, underground grave. There are no families, no friends, no cars, no houses, no money, nothing. Nothing can accompany us. It's times for us to face our Lord. This is it. This is the day.

I know that day will come. Just like I know I will graduate from meds school one day. At that times when I hold the scroll from our dean and when I took a quick glance toward the crowd, the most unforgettable feeling that I had, I felt that "This is it. This is the end of my life as a student". Every hardships that I had, every memory from those years came in flash. I knew, I was taking the next step in my life.

And I know, one day, I will be in the grave alone in darkness and I going to say it again "This is it. This is the end of my journey as a human". And truthfully I say, I am scared because I never know will I pass or fail that day. And I know, if I fail, I am going to suffer miserably. Don't you scared ? I am.

Ok. Bye !

P/S= I am going to work next month. Hee. Another step in my life. Can't wait to be a doctor but so scared if I cannot carry the responsibility. They say it's hard to be a HO, I am not scared of the hardship but I am scared if I am thinking that, the hardship is so tough that I want to give up. I just don't want to give up yet or anytime in my life. Huu. Pray for me please. Please please please pray that Allah will give strength for my hardships in my upcoming life. Hee. Thank you for the prayer.

My Full of Emotion Post. Sorry.

Assalamualaikum.

If Malaysia listened to me for 10 minutes, I would say, let's put our hands together and hold it tight please. It is never about me or you, Malaysia is always about us.

Thousands years ago, for human survival, humans started to live together. Yes, our anchestors were used to be individualistic but at the end, they knew that they need to be together to survive, they started to form community. From that, there were us. From togetherness. I know,  I am so lacking in evolution theory (sorry Miss Alicia) and I am sorry if I say wrong. But what I am trying to say, we need each other.

Since I was small, I always dreamed that I would have lots of friends. I means multiracial. I would love to be friends with the chinese or indians but I never had a chance. Even so, I always realize that no matter who we are, no matter what races or religions, we are human first. We deserve to live in peace.

Just remember this, despite our differences, skin colours, races, religions, languages, political believes and many more, we always have one thing in common, that we are living under one roof - Malaysia- and of course we are all human.

Please please please let's try to see goodness in people, let's try to say good things and the most important things let's try to embrace our differences so that we can live in peace.

Malaysia, we can do this. I don't think, but I know we can.

P/s= I just have that random thought suddenly after I read so many hate comments on fb. Do we raised to hate ? To say bad things on others weakness ? To force others to agree with our disagreement ?  I just don't know anymore. *sad face*

P/s/s= I can get mad sometimes too right ? Huuuu. Thanks blog for listening to me. I told you before, you are my little diary. Bye !

Spread Love

Assalamualaikum..

Hi ! Heee.

There was one day when I talked to my niece Alya, she suddenly said that, she did not like chinese in Malaysia, because their house were bigger compared to other races. I was so surprised and shocked on how at the young age, she ended with the feeling of hatred. Then, I started to correct it. I did that unconciously. I said that it was not their fault. The fault was on ours. We the one, Malay, that do not have any motivation to succeed. Most of us do not even have an ambition. So, don't blame others. Blamed ourselves.

I am so glad that I could corrected it. Sometimes, because we were so comfort with our lives we tend to find the others flaw. Do you understand what I trying to say ? If not, don't ask please. Just take it as another rumblings of mine. Aigoo.

Please. Just please let's spread love.

"Kulit putih ke, kulit kuning ke, kulit hitam ke, kulit merah ke, kulit biru ke, kita tetap orang Malaysia kan"- Quote.

There are Malay, Chinese, Indian, Siamese etc. but all of us, we were one. Unite in the name of nation, Malaysia.

P/s= Alya, Alya pening kepala maktam dengan pertanyaan dan statement awak.

We Can't Get Away 2

Assalamualaikum,

Happy last 10 days of Ramadhan !

Yesterday, I was mending my broken heart because my Paklong died because of kidney cancer. I am not that surprised when I heard about it. Because when we knew that he had a cancer, it was already end stage, it's already metastasis to adrenal glands and lungs. See, I told before, death is so close.

I have a cancer gene in my family, my aunt with luekimia and my paklong with kidney cancer. I think I need to be careful. But then, no one can really stop cancer because cancer is actually a normal cell that cannot stop itself from producing new cells. It can be from our gene or lifestyle. But in the end, no one really know why and when we can get cancer.

The next day, my father asked me to accompany him to buy durians. I mean not just durians but a lot of duriansss. He bought durians around 15-20. Yes, I am not lying. Please believe me. To get that much durians, we went to our old Felda. The place where and when my early life began. My parents young and glorious time. Then, I started to think, maybe (I said maybe ok) this is a good place to raise my kids. There's not much traffic, fruits just along the road, the school is so old, the public library is so small, waterfall is just a walking distance, durians are so cheap Rm2 for one durian (boleh tawar lagi), and what most important, it was my little kampung. I can be a doctor in this isolated place. Why not right ? Heee. But then, that was my parents's pathway. Should I created mine or should I follow theirs ? I don't really know.

Oklah. I think I said too much today. Goodbye !









P/s= See you again Paklong. Sampaikan salam sayang buat Maksu dan Akmal. Tell them we will be following. See you again.

Ramadhan 1436 (2015)

Assalamualaikum.

Welcoming Ramadhan Kareem with all my heart. Happy Ramadhan to everyone !

I was thinking of some lecture from Yasmin Mogahed (she is one of my favourite speakers), she said that live in this life as we are the traveller. True enough. For example, when we check in the hotel we booked earlier, for example for three days, then, the hotel doesn't up to our expectation. Most of us, would just let it go (I did that), because you know that you just staying there for a while. Those small defects or imperfection doesn't matter.

That's what dunya should be. Things like money, fame, beauty and everything doesn't matter. What matter is your relationship with Allah. Prioritize things in your life (I am starting to do it). Because at the end of day/world, it's just you and Allah. That lecture is like a pang to my face. I would definitely love a slap especially when I started to forget. *pegang pipi sendiri*

Ok. Goodbye.

















P/s= I so thankful to be able to see Ramadhan this year. Alhamdulillah. Maksu and Akmal must never thought that last year was their last Ramadhan, just like us, who maybe never thought that, this Ramadhan could be our last. Death is so close.

I Am A Maktam.

Assalamualaikum.

Hi again. Hee. I did the interview with SPA last month. InshaAllah, they promised us that we going to work at least on September. Well. I think I am not ready to work yet. Like I said before, I am enjoying being a daughter and a jobless girl and not to forget a maktam.

I have three nieces and two nephews. But since Alya and Aimi are the older two out of five, I found they are starting to think and to copycat. So, when ever they are around, everyone was very cautious with their behaviour and words. I never thought that being an example to kids is much harder than having a smaller kids. Seriuos tak tipu.

Since now is a school holiday, Aimi, Alya and their cousin are staying with their Maktok. One of the funny things is that, they start to main cinta-cinta with the boys (especially Alya and the cousin) from the nearby village. And I as a maktam become the one who get angry at them, asking them to come home and jerit at the boys. Serious. For my entire life, I never thought that I will become that makcik yang jerit-jerit. And now, here I am. Hahahaha.

Then, when in house, I did a brainwashed (adviced and the reasons why not to do it now). Oh common, Alya is 9 years old and the cousin is 13 years old. There is a lot more to come. *Tapi dalam hati, sempat juga cakap, dulu masa besar-besar depa, takpernah pon buat camtu*. Well. That the new phase of life for them, a process to become the teenager, and not to forget a new phase for me too, a makcik-makcik yang garang !

Oklah. That all for now. Welcoming and enjoying this new phase of life for them and for me. Eventhough, I never thought I am going to go through it before. I can't wait what next. Bring it on. Hahahaha. Loving you guys to every bits of my blood and bones.


Goodbye.












p/s= What I learned from this entire experience, it's not that I am trying to cut out this new phase, but it's our job as older people to guide them through this. So that, we can let them go one day, believing they going to sail on their own, on the right path because we did everything possible to guide them through it before. I hope it's help eventhough it's not much.

p/s= Dear my nieces and nephews, you are my babies and forever be my babies.

We Can't Get Away.

Assalamualaikum.

 It's been a while. Actually, I was having a thought to leave this blog away because I have nothing to say for quite a long time. Before, I promised myself that I will only write when it's come from heart. But I guess everyone did that.

Well, I had finished my study in Jakarta about 3 months ago. Still at home, being a daughter and a jobless girl and loving every bits of it. Maybe I can be a housewife one day. But I dont think so. Heee..

I have a story to be told. Yesterday was just another day, atleast that what I thought it's going to be. But Allah's plan was much greater. Yesterday wasn't just another day, it was the day when we were told that our beloved maksu and my cousin died because of an accident.

I was sleeping when we got the news. There was a silent moment for everyone. You know maksu was just not a victim in this accident. Maksu was a mother of six, her youngest son was 5 years old. Not knowing anything about death, thinking that his mother and his brother were just gone for today and will be back for tomorrow. Even I, have the same thought yesterday and now. They were sleeping on their mother's bed, missing their mother last night and I was speechless. He told us 'Tahun ni xbeli lagi cake birthday untuk ibu'.

A mother is like a backbone of the family. When the backbone snap, the whole will be paralysis. Maksu was everything to her family. Not just a teacher and a mother, but also a planner, an accountant, a supporter and everything. She was my bestfriend.

When I was in my clinical years, I used to surrounded by death, but sometimes we got immune to it. After a while, I used to say, this is another death, I know they were a dear family member but it's just don't cut through the heart. But this time, it's did. It's cut through the heart and it's bleed.

Dear maksu and Akmal, I love you. InshaAllah, Teha akan menyusul nanti.











P/s= Perkara yang paling dekat dengan kita adalah mati. Perkara yang paling berat adalah amanah. That are what we have been dealing with every day. Sometimes, we thought that we can get away, but of course we can't. I am not going to say goodbye but I am saying, see you guys again maksu and akmal. See you again.