Evolving Like An Alien

Assalamualaikum..

Hi ! It's been 2 month since my mo-ship. Alhamdulillah..
I think this blog is really there since my medical years back.
Omg. I m evolving now. Like an alien.

I have been posted to district hospital, which I always thought it as a blessing.
But one thing about it, I really need to be independent, I mean it seriously.

How mo-ship difference from ho-ship?

Mo you have to step on your own feet, make your own decision, do your best and strive for patient survival because you are the people who must be able to do it now.
Ho, when everything that I think difficult or confusing I just left it to my mo to think.
Serve me right now, because I have to think myself now.

Mo when you see a patient you must know already where you would end up, does this patient need intubation, does he need ivd, does he need antibiotic.
Ho you just follow whatever been ordered to you, which is much much easier.

Haish.. I really hope that I learn better. Learn to think fast before.

Most value lesson always learn from the most painful experience. I hope the baby just now would be ok. I really hope that I can do better to her.

Learning to be better now  Since the last 2 mother I always pray that I would have so much things to learn by case then I got it. Boom. Jonah. Then I prayed again to make me better to go through every storm that come.

Ok jonahness, bring it on. I am ready, I am learning, I am not afraid.


Okla. Whatever it is, I should be independent doctor now.


Whatever it is, Sabah best and loving my job every bits of it. Thanks to Allah.

Assalamualaikum..

Thanks for listening

Assalamualaikum.

It's been a while again.

Workload in medical is like crazy, I loss about 3kg in 2 months. Hahahaha. But good working environment because you are given a chance to make decision. You given a chance to decide life and death. You are the first liner. That's what I think of medical.

I still remember, my first night shift after tagging wasnt so bad. We just intubated 1 patient with impending respiratory failure.

My second night shift the most terrible one. I was scared for the first time since I have been a HO. I have 7 new cases (normal quantity of new cases in medical, I know). That's not the bad one. Almost at the end of my shift, I had 1 new case, which I thought just a normal fluid overload case. However, it was turn out to be a mycardiac infarction case. Which you know, once you diagnosed or you felt it was a MI you just have hours or even minutes. Times were ticking and I am scared for his life.  We did our best. But he end up been lifeless at the end.

I am just felt that, if I were fast enough to go and see him, if I were competent enough to realize earlier that it was a MI, maybe maybe he was a life that could be save on. And I m sorry.

Medical is a department that gave me a chance, to growth. It's cultivating, which I felt so different from my previous department. Thanks for the trust, thanks for your acceptance the way of my thinking, that was the first time.

Thanks medical !





P/S:
Dear you, I let you go. Sorry for not be the one. It's a great pleasure to know you. Hee.

Bye Orthopedic

Assalamualaikum

After so long, I think I just need to activate my writing mode.

Finishing ortho in another 1 week. Cant wait to finished it. Dont get me wrong, I love other posting just not ortho so far.

Cant wait for medical posting. I know it's busy,but cant wait to learn something else.

I always knew that this world, my working world is always a hard journey.  My sister warned me, some other seniors said that too. But I believe, no matter where you are, you just always going to face hurdles. Some hatred, some disagreement, endless of sleepless night, panda's eyes, some anger, some disappointment, most were bad feeling. But as I always said, in so many things, there must be something good.

Why I love my job despite of being bullied sometimes, being angered at most of the time, loss chances of  doing so many things in my life due to my job, and being a sleepy daughter most of the time at home, because of I just love to meet people.

I love when they talked to me, I love when my decision matters life and death (not most of them), I love to listen to their stories (each of them was different), most of   other reason is that I love when I met them,they was so ill then  get healthy again, when I can made a difference in someone's life. Called me crazy.  I know.

I hope I can continue doing this. I pray even after I have so many other commitment in future, I still wont give up yet.

After 2 months in housemanship, my sister used to ask,"Dah menyesal belum jadi doktor? ", I smiled then said "Not yet".

 After 1 year of housemanship, if someone asking me the same question again, my answer would still be the same.

I am a newbie in this world.



Pray for me. Please.

My Third Posting, Orthopedics.

Dear everyone and everything,

I am alive. Surviving 1 year of housemanship with Alhamdulillah. I am already in my 3rd posting, orthopedic.
I was never complained before. I hope no one read this because I am going to complain now.

Almost 4 months in ortho, finishing in another 2 weeks. But all I felt, I just dont like ortho, everything about it. The fracture, the diabetic foot ulcer, the sacral sore, the neurovascular, the OT, the plating. I am sorry, I dont like it at all. Sob sob sob. Forgive me ortho.

There was the time when I am working in Emergency Department (ED), due to lack of houseman in our posting nowadays,there were just 2 houseman in ED, if you are lucky, you  going to have 3 ortho houseman in ED.Usually we were relax in morning then get flooded with patient in noon or night.

That was not the worse things, since ED was always busy and flood with patient. The worse thing was when you were so busy doing your job but then you  forgot to do something else, you been asked by your superior "Do you want to be a doctor?" in bad way.

You dont know how much I fighted for this. You dont know what battle that I had to take just to get this.You dont know how much weight that I loss because of this.  You dont know how much I want to hold onto this, just when everyone want to let go.You dont know that I was never imagine myself not being a doctor in my life.

Dear you, I want to be a doctor.

Okla. Whatever you said, I forgive you. Because I hope, one day when I be like you, when I say something bad (I hope I didnt mean it), I hope people will forgive me too.

Haish.

Sincerely from:

A lacking learning house officer who is really trying her best to become a doctor.



P/S: I really hope no one read this.

Small Things In My Life.

Assalamualaikum.

I love the little things in my life. Like when Alya asked something she said please at the end of it, like when I asked Aimi to do something she just kept smiling, like when we were ready to go out someone willing to look for my shoes, like when you walked alone suddenly you saw a child crying and their parents got annoyed then you thought "Haaa, that's normal", like when suddenly a stranger smiling at you or say hi, like a little pat on my shoulder out of nowhere, like when Alya told me she thought that she caught a fever and I took it as an honour because she told me that, like when you walked back to the parking lot and you saw the bird dungs on your car, like when you walked then smell the evening eventhough you couldn't smell because of flu and so many more. Small things make me happy.

Those imperfect events just complete my imperfection. I just love my life.

P/s= This my second week of work. So far, it's still office hour working. Hahahahaha. Pray for me please.